The handbook of self-control for parents – when your child’s behaviour deviates (2)
The handbookof self-control for parents: stop and think
Ordinarily, when children display deviated or emotional behaviour, parents handle it immediately. However, at that particular instance, it is critical to keep your head cool. As our clinical psychologist suggests, parents could stop and think, recognizing the situation being presented by children and the problem that needs to be addressed. Parents could ask themselves the following questions: should we take care of our children’s emotions or allow them to vent their feelings? Should we prevent them from dropping their belongings and rushing out of the road to protect their safety? Primarily, parents are usually clear about what needed to be done. However, when they are actually dealing with the mess, they are easily interfered by their children’s emotions and forget about their initial objectives. Their ideas about children’s mischief can even lead to emotional eruption.
When children refuse to cooperate, would parents reflect on whether they have entertained the following thoughts:
“How can children survive if they do not behave properly now?”
“S/he knows it can infuriate me. S/he certainly does that on purpose to enrage me!”
“Will my children become rebellious and disrespect of me when they grow up”
“How do other people view me as a parent? Do they think I’ve failed the task? Do they think I am underperforming? Do they believe I’m incapable of parenting?”
It is common that we are unable to calm down ourselves quickly when our emotions are unstable. And the majority of parents understand their children’s need to express and vent before their emotions can gradually unwind. However, when children refuse to cooperate, parents tend to harbour the above views or even equate children’s mischief to their own success or failure. As a result, a great deal of parents demand their offspring to loosen up quickly. When such expectation is unfulfilled, they would blame themselves or their children. But this mindset is only conducive to more agitation, distracting parents from their imminent tasks and contributing to struggles between the two generations. Therefore, parents should stay alert about these provocative thoughts, recognizing and managing them regularly during their routine life. Upon noticing the emergence of these ideas, you may take a few deep breath, remind yourself to let go of any notion or judgment and concentrate on the children first. If you notice any sign of irritation, it may be better to appropriately take a break, leave or seek help from others. Remember that, as parents, you can iron out your children’s issues properly and help them grow only when your mind is peaceful.
Original article from BOKSS’s Newsletter