The handbook of self-control for parents – when your child’s behaviour deviates (1)
When their child is throwing a tantrum and committing emotional and deviated behaviours, parents are likely to have their feelings provoked as well. After all, our emotions are interactive; when one party is venting their spleen, the other could readily feel triggered. It is challenging to control oneself at such moments. Preparations in advance, therefore, are particularly important. Only when we lay our foundations on routine basis can we effectively assist parents amidst emergency.
Preparations in advance
In most circumstances, the emotional outburst of parents is not due to their child’s behaviour but their own personal conditions. As they are incapable of mastering their piled up emotions, their inner states are on the verge of explosion and vulnerable to the trigger of their children’s doings.
It is challenging to manage one’s emotions when they are at their peak. As our clinical psychologist suggests, parents should not attempt to control them only when their children’s behaviours deviate. This is especially true when parents are aware of moments and situations when children’s issues tend to come up. For examples, during the examination period, children are having more intense stress and lose their temper more easily. Parents should prepare themselves for it. Before meeting and teaching your child, assign 5 to 10 minutes for collecting yourself and soothing your emotions through such exercises as deep breathing or strolling. Recover your mental fitness and broaden your capacity for bearing others’ emotional load.
Furthermore, if you are feeling more exhausted, being mistreated at work or lacking mental fitness during your commute back home, you may not be the best candidate for dealing with your children’s emotions. It would certainly be better if your loved ones bear the responsibility. On the other hand, you may candidly ask for your children’s support by saying: “We are worn out today and would like some rests. Could you help us finish this together?” Children are perceptive to emotions and able to discern the conditions of adults. Not knowing about their parents’ experiences unsettles them. Your request encourages and reassures them, preventing them from wondering if they have misbehaved. They could also understand how they could help their parents.