Bring intimacy to your relationship with Enneagram

You may have doubts about summarizing the complicated nature of human personality with a single number. But what if the model of Enneagram inherits wisdom from our forefathers?

Enneagram Having emergedin the West since the 70’s, Enneagram is a long standing discipline of knowledge that underscores the categorization of human personalities into 9 types. Each has its own strengths and short comings as well as its aspects of brightness and darkness. None of them is better than the other. Replacing adjectives with numerical figures, Enneagram helps us to acknowledge our advantages and disadvantages and benefits our social relationships. Let’s delve deep into yourself and your partner admits the Valentine's mouth.

Try the test and find out which type do you belong now (it takes about 15 minutes)!

The Perfectionist

The perfectionists always put others first and prioritize the overall situation. They emphasize the notion of right and wrong and appall those who disobey. Confucius serves as an example of perfectionist. An honest and gentle person, he had a distaste for arrogance and recklessness. Furthermore, he promoted giving precedence to others and avoided unnecessary debates.

Characteristic of relationship:Perfectionists have demanding requirements about themselves and their partners; they are perceptive to flaws in relationship. Feeling insecure, they ceaselessly contemplate on “what perfect love is” and pursue such ideals. Instead of having a romantic affair, they are more committed to their work as pleasure brings them guilty.

Instruction manual for the spouse:Give them approvals regularly to relieve their inner concern. As they are unwilling to open up about their troubles, take initiatives to accompany them when they are going through hardship. Don’t criticize them for being serious. You may create a sense of novelty, allowing them to feel changes. Alleviate their nervous and stress skillfully with a sense of humour.

Type 2: The Helper

Helpers share the same audacity as Mother Theresa. They are perceptive to the needs of others. Regard helping people as their duties, they rarely turn down requests for aids. Being sensitive and enthusiastic, they tend to believe their contributions are inadequate. What deserves our attention is that they should be more aware of their own needs and avoid overlooking themselves.

Characteristic of relationship:Helpers are enthusiastic and extrovert. Upon recognizing your needs, they are willing to do anything; you will rely on them without feeling their dependence. Having an intense fear of being abandoned, they ceaselessly show their best side and easily lost their true self because of others.

Instruction manual for the spouse:Let helpers understand their values are not merely rooted in concerning about others; help them recognize that they deserve love too. As their partners, you may encourage them to reveal their inner feelings and needs more frequently instead of listening to and consoling people only.

Type 3: The Achiever

The achievers pursue success and excellence and long for recognition by others. They value their personal images as they relish the spotlight. Being flexible, they are able to communicate in miscellaneous styles. They can also set clear goals for themselves and work with great momentum. The achiever is well epitomized by Thomas Edison, who once said: “Genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration.”

Characteristic of relationship:Achievers are future oriented and refuse to indulge in the past; they avoid conversing deeply about feelings. They believe people fall for them because of their achievement. They are willing to change themselves for you according to your preferences.

Instruction manual for the spouse:Since people of type 3 have an overwhelming demand for recognition of their achievement, you may express appreciation and encouragement more frequently. You may even cater to them in your relationship, which offers them a sense of achievement.

Type 4: The Romantics

The romantics are characterized by sentimentality and well exemplified by Lin Daiyu from the novel Dream of the Red Chamber. They predominately reveal their emotional nature. Not being proficient about verbal expression, nonetheless, they are imaginative and able to express themselves through arts. They prefer irregular work schedule, which resembles their volatile emotions. With tremendous empathy to others, they are the epitome of romance.

Characteristics of relationship:The romantics are inclined to indulge in the past. Being perceptive to human nature, they read through your feelings and react accordingly. Due to the fear of abandonment, they put on nonchalant faces to distance themselves.

Instruction manual for the spouse:Interacting with romantics, you do not have to cater to them. Instead, let them perceive your true colours. They have an enormous demand for attention. Therefore, amidst your conversation, listen to their feelings better to create the impression of regarding them highly.

Type 5: The Observer

The observer is a rational person who relishes thinking and analyzing with acute discernment about people and things. Valuing personal space, observers attain their power by being alone. They also enjoy sharing of scientific and academic knowledge to broaden their horizons. However, they rarely talk about feelings and incapable of understanding emotions of others. They can only analyze them with theories. Albert Einstein, who developed the theory of relativity, is believed to have the type 5 personality.

Characteristic of relationship:Regarding love, they demand heaps of space and time to transform their feelings into thoughts before vocalizing them. In a romantic relationship, they dislike beating around the bush and prefer straightforward communication. They also prefer separating feelings and reality, protecting themselves through distances.

Instruction manual for spouses:Remind them often that everybody has his/her shortcomings; every trait is a gift rather than a burden. You may also covey your goals about love to them, allowing them the space to think and decide.

Type 6: The loyalist

The loyalists are cautious and conservative. They are tremendously vigilant, preparing for the worst scenario. With an enormous sense of crisis, they dislike taking risks and only prefer familiar things. They are responsible and reliable. Despite being hesitant, they pursue safety and stability above all. Cao Cao serves as an example of loyalists. As he had never heard of the brain surgery suggested by Hua Tuo, he recognized it as an attempt of assignation and decided to behead the physician.

Characteristic of relationship:With the lack of security, loyalists ceaselessly doubt your thoughts and believe you are not being sincere enough. They are able to notice flaws in relationship and focus on them. They will prioritize you and interpret various meanings behind your behavior. And they will certainly attempt to confirm them with you.

Instruction manual for the spouse:To reassure their doubts, confirms your thoughts frequently. Instead of a romantic and fictitious love story, they need real promises.

Type 7: The Epicures

Just like Mozart, epicures are optimistic and active. They are imaginative, always revealing their energetic nature. Being extrovert and erudite, they have a distaste for monotonous lifestyle and a dread of waiting or being exploited. Setting contingency plans for themselves, they enjoy the process of taking actions but may not be able to realize them in the long run.

Characteristic of relationship:Epicures prefer partners who accompany them in their pursuits of joy. They will renew the intimacy in relationship through miscellaneous means. They detest limitations, eagerly retaining possibilities for themselves. Consequently, they are afraid of making promises.

Instruction manual for the spouse:Please understand, as best as possible, their signs of escape; don’t force your style of relationship onto them. You may improve intimacy by communicating in a humorous and fun manner.

Type 8: The Challenger

The challengers are audacious, which reminds us of Beethoven. Being confident and voluntarily face the music, they are suitable for leadership. Confronting and regarding difficulties as challenges, they are reluctant to reveal their fragility. With unlimited energy, they are naturally righteous and willing to seek justice for all.

Characteristic of relationship:The challengers opt for sincere and straightforward interaction. They regard quarreling as a way of communication instead of making troubles. They are used to conceal their feelings, allowing only a small group of people to enter their life.

Instruction manual for the spouse:Please reveal your truest self in front of the challengers, which allow them to feel safe and recognize you as a listener to whom they could express their emotions. Furthermore, you may handle conflicts with them to inspire their trust.

Type 9: The Peacemaker

As magnanimous as Zhuangzi, peacemakers are able to accommodate themselves to others. Understanding empathy thoroughly, they know how others feel and prioritize peace. They are skilled at promoting harmony and detest conflicts. Fearful of separation, they wish to retain inner peace and serenity.

Characteristics of relationship:Having a love relationship with peacemakers, you feel supported, comforted, pleasant, accepted and balanced. However, they rarely open up about their feelings and tend to submit themselves. To avoid quarrels, they say things that appeal to their partners. Their viewpoints and even positions are prone to influence by their spouses.

Instruction manual for the spouse:Invite them for the process of decision making. You may encourage them to vocalize their views and enhance your understanding about them through MC questions (e.g., “Would you like to go to McDonald, Cha chaan teng or a fancy one?) instead of open ended ones such as “What do you like to have?”